I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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