i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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