Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
