Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
