Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
