So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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