I am spending my child support on dildos
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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