The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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