It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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