it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
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Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
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Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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