So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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