the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
