I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
