It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
