i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
