YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
