My friends, they love my intelligence
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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