hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
