help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
