i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
