Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
