I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
