Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
