Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize