The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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