Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You're like the curious george of whores
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
