I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
