I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
