As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
