In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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