if you like me you must not know who I am
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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