Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
