how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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