Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
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they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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