It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
