Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
