I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
