If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
