dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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