I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.