good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?