wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo