I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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