last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.