you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
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I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.