is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.