i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
