its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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