Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
