just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The beer is more important than you right now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
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He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
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Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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