She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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