I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
