He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
