Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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