I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
