Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
