you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
