I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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