spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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