You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
