Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
