does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
