my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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