He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
