I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
