Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
