Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
