I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
