so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think my moral compass just broke
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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