I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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