the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
