Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
