If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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