So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
