I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dick very happy bro
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
