Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
