If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
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I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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