my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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