my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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