guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
