Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
