It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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