im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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