apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
