he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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