Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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