Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
