You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can't turn off my feet"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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