Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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