I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
